39 TIMES GRATEFUL
Not so long ago I remember when I used to think that in 2011 I would be 40-years-old.
Then, it seemed like time was endless, and 40 was the same as today is 70, a huge number on the far away distance.
Today I start living the 40th year of my existence, and you know what? It doesn’t feel old at all. So yes I am a middle age woman in the prime of my existence as I once was told from a good friend (who always lied about his age).
The prime of one’s existence is determined by the measure of gratefulness and attitude toward others and life, and also about your capacity to be able to dream and feel enthusiasm for whatever you desire.
Therefore my friend was right I am at the prime of my life and I intent to remain here forever, in spite of time. I cannot go anywhere else, because looking back to when I was, 10, 20, 30…. I’ve always really been on the prime of my life, above all circumstances and experiences, angels and tyrants. Now I just don’t take myself so seriously and I tend to let things flow better.
Oh yes I am getting some wrinkles, not experience lines as the new marketing gurus now call them, but plain ol’ wrinkles; I am resisting the temptation of vanity and Botox with no problems, not because I wouldn’t like to look younger but because I rather go on a small trip or buy a new couch, also this last year I was blessed with 4, (four, please note), white hairs… but I still can bend, flip, do headstands and perform 27 beautiful sun salutations in a row without feeling tired and looking ugly.
I still haven’t lost the battle against cellulite, my teeth are still white, and my hands have no sun aging marks, in despite of all those long hours under the sun, but I notice that my ears are looking a little different, like if earrings were looking down to my feet, thank God my ears are sagging and not yet my breasts.
I wake up earlier than before, not because I have a zillion things to do, but because I am excited about life and when I take those first steps to the bathroom, my feel do feel like 39, and I note that and blame my dear flat havaianas chanclas but perhaps is just my older feet. By the time I make it down the stairs by feet feel youthful again and the age idea doesn’t cross my mind until my next morning trip to the bathroom. Old people wake up early, maybe then this is it. Maybe I need orthopedic sandals.
I see time go by more in the reflection of my beautiful daughters, Emilia and Martina, who are every day becoming more and more a complete being (that includes bad pre teen tempers, shutting me up, growing boobs and thinking they know all and oh mama, you are so mean! Kind of situations) but I love them so dearly and deep, that I just cannot express how lucky I am to be their mother and how grateful I am to have them in my life. They are absolutely the joy of my existence and I think as a mother I am making a very good job with them, so I feel proud of my work and seeing it reflected upon them every day and every step they take in this life road.
I am also blessed and grateful for having an amazing loving family. My parents are incredible people, who think and live as they were in their 20’s, with an unlimited energy and enthusiasm supply, that I most admire and who are always there for us, their kids (meaning my sister Alina and my brother Joaquin) and my kids. I receive so much TLC from everywhere that is almost too much, it sometimes makes me drunk. My sister and brother are also loving and caring and would give their lives or me just as I would for them. It really feels wonderful to wake up every morning knowing that there’s so much love and support embracing me. Thank you guys!
What to say about this wonderful man that stands behind and next to us? I picture him like a big ageless oak tree, unbendable at the worst storm and in which shadow underneath there is always a safe haven of peace and quiet, who has everything under control with such a loving way, who makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and has the most incredible massage hands and techniques that leaves me for death every time he touches me, which in his eyes I find the depths of the oceans and the heights of the skies. Yes, at 39 I am still a helpless romantic girl who falls for flowers and details but as I am becoming older and having ageless Bob with me, I have a much more wider understanding of what I was looking for in a relationship that I never found until now, in despite of all challenges we are now facing, Thanks Bob, life is so nice with you. I love you.
Last but not least, my beloved friends and teachers, Tayde mi “sister”, who’s knows my untold secrets and always has a good advice to me, Alma, my assistant at the office, and most of all friend and counselor, all my facebook buddies, which before FB times were already good friends and many others that I barely knew or just met that I can now call good friends, thank you for reading my stuff and looking at my pictures and also for cheering me up whenever I post something that clearly states that I am having one of those “bad hair” days, there’s always somebody who writes back a word that cheers me up and puts in perspective whatever is bothering me. Thank you so much!
Funny enough last night I made a party to myself and stayed in all alone in this big house… took out my oil paintings and a canvas, turned on some music, fixed myself a drink out of boredom, and realized once again that I suck at painting, but still painted, something so ugly that will end up being the base for something else some other day hopefully less ugly.
I mesmerized again about the magic of how colors mix and become other colors, and they mix again and again, renovating themselves at every new input, but still being the same color that started when it was freshly squeezed out of a tube and while I was mixing and mixing a HUGE TOAD appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the dining room, where I was and looked at me without moving.
It was raining, both doors were closed, I don’t have a clue where this toad came from, and could it be a prince? Should I kiss the thing or kick it out of the house? And how? Kissing I tough not to and how do you kick out a huge mushy toad out without touching it?
Canela -the cat- and Loui- the dog-, were both as surprised as me, just looking at the thing…. Finally I armed myself with courage, went for a broom and a dust pan, and fearfully but tenderly invited the prince out on the garden where I guess will happily remain if Canela doesn’t eat him today.
As I’ve been doing before I will renew my birthday vows:
I commit to myself that I won’t take things personal. For real. I will understand that whatever people do to me it comes from their life experience.
I commit to myself that I will shift my focus. Faster, no more pondering.
I commit to myself that I will make better questions to wider my understanding and get better answers. As soon as I jump into new conclusions I will take them to action.
I commit to myself that I will reevaluate my priorities. Whatever takes me away from what really is important I will cancel out in a minute.
I commit to myself that I will count my blessings and be grateful. Always at all times. I will be thankful in advanced for what yet has to come in order to make it real. I will practice Alchemy.
I commit to myself that I will push through from better to best and I won’t settle for less. I will be better at letting go and having the Universe take care of the details and I won’t try to control others. I commit to myself that I won’t have negative feelings or express ugly things about the tyrants of my life, I will be more careful with my words and wishes. I shall place their twisted hearts at Gods will and ease the burden to myself.
I commit to myself that I will create a new action plan, as many as needed in a swiftly manner at all times.
I commit myself to the understanding that everything happens for a reason, and therefore I shall practice acceptance and relinquish to the results as long as I am giving always my 200% percent at all times in all I do.
I commit to myself that I will choose my thoughts carefully, as thoughts are seeds and are also biochemicals that trigger positive or negative feelings. I will be aware of the power of my thoughts.
I commit to myself that I will be happy on purpose. Just for fun.
I commit to myself that I will have fun, laugh, dance, and dive in cold water, do crazy stuff and don’t think about the consequences and the comfort all times.
I commit to myself that I will get involved to make this place a little better.
I commit to myself that I will smile and glow. I will validate every person with an extension of my positive energy and love.
I commit to myself that I won’t stop dreaming and that I will write a plan to achieve these dreams in a visual and written manner.
I commit to myself that I will keep creating and I will start writing again.
I commit to myself that I will provoke a major change, always.
I commit to myself that I will be alert to opportunity, pay attention to coincidences, move out of my comfort zone and do this thru helping others achieve what they want.
I commit to myself that I will give, give, give and give
I commit to myself that I will live and embrace the present like a child playing.
I commit to myself that I will have faith, that in the leap of faith all shall reorder itself for better.
And finally I commit to myself that I wont wait until my next birthdate to re-read my commitment vows.